Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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