I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
