i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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