good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
