Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
