So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
