my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
