you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
