The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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