You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
