im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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