Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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