I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
