You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
