So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
