OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize