we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
