So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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