I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
