He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
