I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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