Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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