Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
