i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
ok first of all what the fuck
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
