he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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