I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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