girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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