This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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