she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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