Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
