I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
