the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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