best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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