The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
