Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
