My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
