i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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