he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
