Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
