Screwed.edu
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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