I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
