i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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