I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
