Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
