Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
is wine microwaveable?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
