i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
