I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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