What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
