you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
