You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
