can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
