we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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