i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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