we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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