youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
