how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
