so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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