Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
