Already got asked if we're dating
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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