this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
