Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
