I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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