Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
last night I used snow as a chaser
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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