Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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