omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
