Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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