It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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