i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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